10/3/19
I'm bored.
I'm bored at work. They don't utilize my skills to the fullest of my abilities.
I've asked to help with things but no one wants or needs my help.
So I sit here and waste time writing this. I'd rather be at home sleeping.
I feel unlovable and unwanted if I'm not busy. I honestly feel rejected if something needs to be done at work in my scope of things and I am not asked. Or if I am trying to assist but am told we're not going to include you in this....Just feels like rejection over and over again.
I want to be wanted. What's wrong with that?
I want to be appreciated. Again, what's wrong with that?
I want to be loved.
I want to be needed.
I want to be important.
If I'm not here at work or at home, I want to be missed.
I'm needy.
Why am I this way?
What happened to me to make me this way?
I'm happiest when there are things to do. I'm happiest when I have people who are counting on me or who are needing me to do something. It makes me feel wanted and needed and loved.
For someone reason I don't "know" that I am these things. I have to feel them. I look to others to fulfill that need in me.
I know this is dangerous.
I'm very easily breakable. It doesn't take much to make me cry.
I'm not happy with myself or with my life.
I took a test on a Tony Robbin's website. This is one of the sections and what it says sounds like me:
There is a clear gap between where your daily emotional state is today and where you need to be. It’s time to take a close look at what is causing this disconnect. Are you living in a suffering state? Are you assigning blame for that to a circumstance beyond what you think you can control? Remember: If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. It’s time to take massive action to get back control over your life and emotional health.
I wonder what "living in a suffering state" means?
